My school for
Master of Science in Public Health (MSPH) degree is finally over. When I
entered the graduate school, I felt myself I was on top of the world and was
ready for everything. However, as you also may know, graduation does not mean
everything; another world is always waiting for me! So sad for me: my school colleagues have
been scattered all over the place. We did not quite have time to say “good bye my friends,” even during the
graduation ceremony, and all we can do right now is emailing to each other by saying meaninglessly that “Hey! Meet in
Baltimore!... No, come to Texas!... No, come to Seattle! No, come to the Philippines!...
Nono, come to Peru!...” Some are staying at school for research assistant,
data analysis, or volunteering, some are doing PeaceCorps, some are entering
PhD program, some are already working at the organization/ company…
One to come, and one to go. I may meet the new people from now to form a
new and more meaningful relationship. Of course, every time I meet someone,
that must be the most meaningful moment. But I am just saying that I am hoping
to improve myself to welcome people with a bright smile. Though I cannot avoid
unintended farewell at any time, there is something that I will always be in my
heart. Yes, I cannot say with confidence that “I have an unwavering faith and devotion for 24 hours!” I am also
frustrated, discouraged, or too preoccupied with my own thoughts as a fragile
human being, so I forget pretty often that how much I am blessed and how much love
I have been given.
<Matthew
7:13-14, The Narrow and Wide Gates>
“Enter
through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads
to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the
road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”
I live in the confusing world where I may even have to be careful in saying “I am a Christian.” Though I do want to embrace all kinds of ideals and
religion to maintain wonderful relationship without making any issues and to
keep happily ever after moments with anyone, the phrase of the Bible shook my
humanistic thought completely that the door of truth is so narrow. I can never
ignore it and should accept it as my mission statement because I believe my
calling is to look all around the place where people normally have overlooked.
Christian
Connections for International Health (CCIH) 29th Annual Conference was held during
June 26-29, 2015, in Arlington, Virginia. About 190 attendees from many
different countries, Benin, Cameroon, China, The Democratic Republic of the
Congo, Kenya, Liberia, Nepal, Nigeria, Pakistan, the Philippines, Rwanda,
Sierra Leone, Uganda, USA, and Zambia participated in the conference to discuss with each other with the theme
of “Ending extreme poverty: the Challenge for Christians in Global Health.” These days, I
was worn out and still never been recovered fully after leaving Africa. Driving every
early in the morning for the conference was not easy, but I rendered thanks to God that I was able
to see and interact with passionate and talented public health professionals
around the globe in Virginia this year, just 1.5 hour far away from Baltimore,
the place where I live. I realize again that I am a mere novice who have just
started international health career and still needs to learn endless things
from their experiences.
Throughout this conference, I was able to become abundant
with full of spiritual motivation. My forever questions, “What drives you to go to Africa?” “Why do you want to do international
health?” “Why do you like NGO?” "How your belief can be connected with your career?" have been answered so naturally through
many speakers’ presentations and communication with attendees. Especially, I was glad to meet a person from my country who has been
working as medical missionary in Uganda for 15 years, which looked already a long-term
commitment enough. So I asked him “How
long will you be there more in Uganda?” He answered, “Until I was buried in that soil.” How will you explain this
touched moment? It cannot be explained by human rationality. Only God is in
control. I believe work, study, and faith should go forward all together, and this attitude of mind will make myself to live the life with full of patience, determination, and tireless spirit.
Sometime, I am under a difficulty that many people are doubtful about what I
have done or will have done.
“Why do you want to
keep studying?”
“Do you think God
whom you believe will be happy if you feel pressure to do it?”
“Don’t you think you
are too greedy to do all of them?”
“Why do you go to
church every single day for early morning prayer? Are you too free? Something serious happened?”
“Choose and
concentrate! It must be still insufficient time for you to focus on your top
priority.”
Whenever I hear these questions, I am suddenly shocked because those who
ask me are the closest people to me. When I find myself that I have to put all
of the energy to defend myself and impress on them, I feel so isolated because
it seems that nobody, even my sincere people, do not understand me. I realize
that there is no person who can listen to me and understand me 100%, but only God understands me. Even if I pour out all my troubles to somebody else, which moment seems to
be cool, I know that abysmal emptiness will be followed again.
I ask God, “What is my calling that
you want me to do?” I do not hear his voice directly, and I do not even know
what the next destination is. But what I do know is that God has been always
with me even at the painful moment and given his mind to me that “Approach people first to share God’s love.”
That is why I exist. Ebola was despairing, I went to Sierra Leone with the
only one reason: God loves me. Likewise, all of doubtful question towards me
can be answered: God loves me so much. You hurt me with words that cut
deeply before, and I am still suffering from it, but I will not give up on you
because God loves you!
