July 22. Hello, My Name is Charles!

Unexpected leaving is sad. I thought I had been the best, but I realized that it was not true. I might make a rough guess that I can get to know National Office staffs little by little since I have enough time until September. Unfortunately, time does not permit me to stay in Sierra Leone long enough as I have expected. I am leaving this week!

If I could put the clock back, I would never think “I can do this later.” People are the most precious assets to me. If I went back to the beginning, I would take pictures with people. I just had thought that I could take pictures after getting friendly with them. But I was wrong; I did not even have time to say my farewells to people in Mattru. I have to trust largely to my memory how Sherbro Island and Mattru people look like because I have no pictures of them. 

Better late than never! Although I may have only one week to stay in Sierra Leone, I still have time to get to know National Office (NO) staffs. Just walking away from this Ebola crisis without saying anything to staffs whom I have not talked would not be good for me. This place is their home; they were born here, grew up here, and still live here. They may keep staying here no matter what Ebola is going on in the future. I just do not want to look like escaping. I do love people here, food here, and home here.

I want to explore the 2nd floor of this building!

There are more than 60 NO staffs in World Vision Sierra Leone (WVSL), and I may know 30 staffs at the most. There are two buildings, and both are two-story building. I have spent most of my time in Ministry Quality (MQ) department office on the ground floor and have never looked around 2^nd floor at both buildings. I go to another ground floor of opposite building every day because I eat lunch there! While I was eating Jollof rice with fish for lunch, I asked Jerimaya, Child Health Now (CHN) coordinator on the same ground floor as me, “Do you go upstairs often?” “No, just twice so far,” said Jerimaya.

Q. “What departments are there upstairs?”

A. “Sponsorship department.”

Q. “Then, how often do you see sponsorship staffs?”

A. “Only during devotion time in the morning.”

Q. “Is there group gathering that everyone can join?”

A. “Hmm… (He thought for a while.) Yes! During the annual finance meeting!”

Yes, staffs usually work with their team, and they do not have to, or they have no chance to meet staffs in other departments. Even if bureaucracy separates official relationship between Sponsorship department and me, I would like to go there and say hi! After lunch, I decided to visit 2^nd floor. Suddenly, I was reluctant to go; what if they are so busy with their work and ignore me? What if they ask me “Who are you?” But I took my courage to go up the stairs and open the door. Wow… new place… I inched my way through the narrow passage and tried to find what inner door I need to open again to say hello. I just entered through a random hallway. Yes, I found the Sponsorship sign on the door! I did not know whether I was allowed to enter here, but I just came in and say, “Hello, Mr. John!” Luckily, I saw Mr. John here, who I met for the first time during my today's breakfast time outside. As always, when I say “Hello! My name is Charles!” to staff who I am not familiar with, they say, “I know!” All staffs know my name, but I do not still know all of their names… That is unfair! We may already met and exchanged names, but I forget his name in the blink of an eye. Or, I was the only one who introduced myself in front of groups, and they got my name, but they have never told their names to me. Still, many staffs tell me, “Hello, Charles!” but I do not still know their names, so I only say “H...Hello!!” without saying their names.

Okay… Let me back to the basic. I want to have your name! I am sorry if I ask your name again. I am ready. “Hello! My name is Charles!”

“I know!” No wonder, she answered.

“What’s your name?”

“Awa!” (Sorry, spelling may be wrong…)

"I came here to say hello! Because I've never been here."

She smiled and said, "No, you already came here one time." 

"No. When did I?"

"You introduced yourself when you came to the office for the first time."

Staffs in the same MQ department room:
Michael Belmoh (left), and Momoh Juanah (right)

Oh... I do not completely remember that I came here. I must have been confusing and embarrassing to follow my supervisor, Michael Belmoh, around on the first day. I actually met almost everyone from the beginning, but my memory is absolutely blank whether it did really happened.  

There were two other staffs in the small room. So I whispered to John, “Mr. John! Can you tell me what are their names over there?” “Silvia and Dominic,” said John.

I talked with Sponsorship staffs shortly, and said, “I will be back tomorrow!”

I met Youngo (Sorry about spelling again…) and she explained kindly what she works for as a Gift In Kind (GIK) coordinator. PUR P&G water packet boxes were stacked up in the space, and she pointed out huge containers through the window. She receives and keeps all kinds of gift, aids, and supplies and distributes them to Base and Area Development Programme (ADP) level. I was glad to hear from her that one of Support Offices (SO) in the world is World Vision South Korea. South Korea have been overcoming Korean War, and becoming the powerful nation that can support grants and supplies to African countries. I believe Sierra Leone World Vision will also achieve its position to help other countries in the future.

On the contrary to my initial anxiety, it was fun and good to meet people at the opposite building. What was I hesitating to? To some extent, I may have to say hello in the morning and say goodbye in the afternoon on the same day to some staff this week; nevertheless, it is always good for me to know people around me. WVSL! I am leaving soon. I am sad. Though absent in body, I am present with you in spirit!  

July 21. Keep Moving On

Monday! After spending a long weekend, I am ready to go to the office. As usual, I go outside to wait for a World Vision (WV) vehicle. I could have just waited at home, but I just wanted to do my favor for a driver. To get to home, there is some unpaved dirt road from the main road, and there is a gate where security guards check every vehicle and visitor. If a vehicle gets in through a gate, a driver has to turn a car the other way around to get out of a gate. If I go outside and wait a vehicle on the main road, driver and I can quickly leave for National Office.

Unpaved road, closed souvenir shop,
gate and barbed wire, and a security guard

There are many WV drivers and anyone of them who is available at this morning comes and picks me up. That means I do not know everyday – commuting in the morning and evening – who would collect me from my home and from the office. I feel uneasy that nobody might come this morning. It happens often. But I decide to wait for 20 minutes. Strangely enough, souvenir shops pack along this short unpaved road, between a gate and a main road, and merchants tout for business during daytime. I must be a good target for them, but no one begins working from this morning. When I pass this area, the other funny scene happens; I am bothered by many motorbike/taxi drivers if I am just standing on that main road. They honk a horn to me and give me a glance, implicating “Where to?” Motorbike drivers stop right in front of me and say, “Let’s go!” Despite the fact that I look like a desperate White Chinese man who wants to go somewhere on the street, I just want to wait right there, passed a gate and an dirt road and hear the hectic sounds in the morning. The Gate… It is originally for protecting resident in home. But for me, I feel like I cut adrift from a real society. For my safety, I would want to say “Thank you, gate! Thank you for your service, security people!” but for my liberty, I would want to say “I feel really uncomfortable this boundary. Treat me as a same person, so just leave me alone!”

Living life just like Sierra Leoneans might be my baseless greed. Even if I try to eat all kinds of Sierra Leoneans food and live without light and water, I may not feel this place just like my real home. Living here in itself under the shadow of a gate and security guards obviously tells everyone outside from a gate that “I am different. I don’t have to see you and my vehicle is always ready to collect me!” So then, should I abandon all kinds of fancy stuffs – antimalarial pills, insect repellent, insect-killer spray, air fragrance, vitamin, air conditioner, running hot water, light – and start living in a mud hut with nothing? This is the irony of circumstances; I have always wanted to understand people’s life here and feel the same way as local inhabitants do, but I might a coward enough to draw a invisible gate line between me and local inhabitants. It is also an inconvenient truth that I cannot be exposed to any kinds of diseases that inhabitants are suffering – Ebola, Lassa fever, dengue, malaria, diarrhea, pneumonia, and so on – so I do need a gate – antimalarial pills and clean water and so on… endlessly – to protect myself from those threats.

So, I am standing on the main street. Right across this street, there is a Family Kingdom Hotel, the place I stayed for the first week in Freetown. I tried to find what positive thinking I can have, while ignoring or declining blowing horns courteously. Morning is a busy timing to everyone; people like to carry big basket on the head to sell stuff, some businessman with backpack wears a helmet and sit on the backseat to hurry along with motorbike driver, female merchants get out of a taxi and open a trunk to take out huge basket containing big fish, and Doreen from Family Kingdom Hotel has just finished her night shift and get in a taxi on the opposite side of the distant road. We wave hands to each other gladly with smile and without saying anything. The time is 8:20am. Something is going on; drivers may forget to pick me up. I have to call to remind a driver I am still alive and wait for you here. I call Frankyln and say, “Good morning, I’m waiting!” He says, “Let me check!” Then I wait again. I am tired of standing with heavy backpack, so I sit on the brick, near to the sidewalk. Zambo has been sitting here a long time since I got here at 8am, so I decide to become his company. He is working for exchanging money. All he has is a small bag wearing casual wear and hat, and wait anyone who needs dollar or leone. So I ask, “What is today’s exchange rate, dollar to leone?” “Today’s rate is… 4,500 leone [per doller].” Wow, it is a really good deal to me, but I only have 2 dollars. I try to understand how he actually gets some profit from exchange, but I do not get it. I know nothing about banking…

A driver has finally come at 8:50am! Sieh came to pick me up. I was late for today’s morning devotion. When I got devotion room, almost all staff joined today’s devotion. Devotion was followed by announcement. As always, Ebola issues comes on at the end of announcement. I was ignorant of Ebola news during last weekend. It must have been getting worse; I didn’t have to hear it to estimate it. As expected, oh no, more seriously, the situation has become truly uncontrollable. A person who diagnosed with Ebola positive ran away. I didn’t even catch well what staff emergently brief Ebola incident, but the gist of a story was that a person who was from Kenema area came to Mattru and met his friend, and his friend had contacted with him and died of Ebola a few days later, and he got Ebola positive result and ran away to anywhere. What is going on in this country? I have just left Mattru last week. Alex who was in Mattru also came back to Freetown last Saturday because of Ebola threat in Mattru. Michael said to me, “Now, I am really worrying about Ebola.” I was seized with fear all of a sudden. What if I die tomorrow suddenly? What if I am already in the incubation period? What if people around me are Ebola patients? I am lost in worst thought for a while. From this point, I will really avoid shaking hands. What about taking a taxi? Passengers jam in the backseat in a car, and they are rubbed by others’ skin. I talked with Kevin in Uganda hurriedly through Skype, “Kevin, some Ebola patients has escaped!” He asked me, “Have you talked to Magnus?” AIM-Health project coordinator, Magnus, was in Skype online. I was anxious that what action I should take from this week. Magnus said that I would be relocated to Tanzania as early as possible: Tanzania where my fellow Denice stays.

At this point, all I have to do is to keep moving on. Whether I am in Sierra Leone or Tanzania, I have to complete AIM-Health mid-term evaluation. All I can do from this point is to meet health facility interviewee as many as possible before I leave. Interviewees also come back to Freetown or any alternative place with urgency to avoid Ebola affected area. Anyway, Freetown is already one of affected areas. I cannot even make an appointment with them because they themselves do not know their time schedule in this urgent situation. Let me keep my patience. It is time to put my patience to the limit. Everything should be OK. It should be.

July 20. Friends

Out of the blue, I was beginning to wonder what friend means. What is friend? It is not easy to answer. I meet people everyday. Even if we had been living under totally different circumstances, we can talk anything – food, history, school, church, daily life – to understand you and me. I came here last month, and I was about to get really friendly with people, but I am unexpectedly leaving soon. It is just hard for me to walk away from this Ebola emergency. However, either staying until September or staying until next week, the truth that I am going to leave will not be changed.

Friends in South Korea, in the U.S., and other countries… How often do I talk with them? Friends in Sierra Leone… When can I see you again? Someday? If so, when?

Who is my sincere friend who does really care about me? How often do I talk with them after I leave? Once a month? Once a year? Or, lost a contact number?

Meeting new people suddenly in a new place; how much do I feel excited? Confronting with new environment for jobs done; am I ready to challenge that? 情… Human affection is something that I would never forget. In the situation between holding on and moving on, I mull over a human relationship; who I have met and how I should done better for them. I thought I was familiar with meeting and saying goodbye over and over again. But now, I do have a heavy heart that I will have to leave people who are really great to me in the midst of my fellow work, ending up with the fact that I was entirely not helpful to cope with Ebola outbreak. Even if handling the crisis of Ebola is not my role, I feel like I should have found anything to contribute to fighting with Ebola. But still, I have another week in Sierra Leone. I have to think what I can do during the remaining time, not being swaying over the fear of Ebola.