It
has been a while since I uploaded the last blog post. When I was in Sierra
Leone and Tanzania, I wrote at least one story every day. My passion for
the blog has been waned slowly. Whenever I go to different African country, I
had to go through the same steps. “Please let me go!” situation in every
immigration checkpoint, buy Internet modem SIM card and charge the credit, find
out whether there is micro-SIM card for my cell phone, go to the lodge and
check if the place is fine with the budget cut, fight with wi-fi in the lodge
and ask people “Why it doesn’t work?,” wait for reimbursement for living
expenses, wait for driver to take me to the office and home, fear for unidentified bugs…
In Malawi, I could not still get cell phone micro-SIM
card. It seems that I have to cut the standard one into the small size to make
“micro”. When I barely finished exchanging money, too much time has already
passed, and the driver looked tired of taking me to the other place. I felt bad
and said to him, “I will do it next time.” I still have no access card to get inside of the office, so I wait until other staff are in and out.
It must be the timing that I have to get used to be generous for
“slowness,” but I can be never fine with that. I did not even realize that I am
just pure Korean who always need fast fast 빨리빨리 process. If there is something that does not go well,
I become quickly exhausted mentally, and fall into despair. My life is not to
put off anything tomorrow what I can do tomorrow, which means I am doing
something right now even if I can do it later.
I am
learning about computer file size in Africa. In South Korea, it recently became possible to download a movie for 8 seconds. It must be 2GB for one movie. Can I download
that file capacity in Africa? If it would take one or two whole days, I can
wait. But the problem is Internet become on and off frequently, so downloading
is failed at halfway. In that case, of course, I get mad. Youtube streaming is
not impossible, but the Internet speed relies on random connection situation
that I cannot quite notice the best timing of using Internet. Anyway, modem credit is
so expensive, so I have to avoid searching any video or high definition
picture. I charged 10 GB in the modem last Friday, and it cost about 50 US
dollar. I cannot check the balance, and I am just hoping that those GB should
be enough until I leave Malawi.
I miss the
place where uploading and downloading is done within seconds. Today, there was 11
megabyte file that I need to send to professor. I overstrained myself that the
file was not uploaded for a long time in the email. I wanted to be professional without making
any mistake, so I checked several times if I am ready to send it. It took one
hour and a half to “upload” and send.J Actually, I am not still sure the file
has been sent appropriately. I went to Sent Items box and tried to “download”
to check if receiver will actually see it. I failed to download it multiple
times. Should I email again? Or what should I do?
I would
like to talk about “normality.” If I have lived in the global Internet
powerhouse almost entire life, my normality would be up&download just for
seconds. On the contrary, If I have lived in the rural region for a long time,
my normality would not even care about up&download something. It is just
impossible for me to abandon my normality from the deep bone, and change my
life style into opposite. Since I do not want to make any excuse for my
“abnormal” situation, I am getting too uptight about the daily life in Africa.
I may have
to realize how to endure “abnormality” that everyone around me in Africa considers it as “normality.” I must be some kind of weirdo who acts silly here only
because of up&downloading. I still scream (or struck dumb with fright)
whenever I see giant cockroach in my room. It is just big, so big. If it
stretches its antennae and leg, the maximum length would be the same size of my
hands. I cannot just ignore them. I cannot be with them! So I have to either kill it or
get out of it from my sight. If I have no insect spray, I throw my shoes to it.
Now I see lizard as a cute buddy. They are crawling on the wall (giant cockroach
as well), but I leave them because they do not look so hateful.
I do not
know right now if I could take my “abnormality” as my new “normality” soon
enough. It has already been half a year since I started Africa life, but I find
myself that I am still struggling with those abnormalities. The level of
controlling my mentality in Africa comes close to that of keeping patience in
the military.
“Let your
desires be ruled by reason.”
I still
have risk of another diarrhea or typhoid fever, I know how horrible they are, but I dare to keep eating local food. I cannot
let my transient emotion conquers my reason. I should not forget the reason why
I am here in Africa. Typhoid? Come on yo! I am afraid not. I will be immune to
the contagion. It must be a natural vaccination, and I bet I am stronger little
by little when I eat this goat meat.J
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