July 25. Are You Married?

The most FAQ from Sierra Leoneans is “Are you married?” When I say “No,” then, they ask me “Do you have a kid?” I am embarrassed to hear the question because the order of question is so awkward. I said I am not married, but they ask me whether I have children. Do I look like a single dad? I answered “No,” with a curious frame of mind. Then they ask me again, “Do you have a fiancé?” Oh… I have to say the same answer, “No.” The last FAQ is “How old are you?” I said, “29 years old.”

When I pass these unfamiliar orders of questions for my marital status, a look of surprise comes over their faces, and they say, “What’s wrong with you?”

Am I strange here? Yes, I might be a complete stranger to them who is from the opposite side of the earth. I may have been habituated to hear “Are you seeing anyone?” outside of Africa. Actually, nobody have asked that to me when I was in the U.S. I had a sudden think-tank time why I am single, belatedly here in Africa. Have I done something wrong? I start worrying myself.

The average age of marriage in Sierra Leone is early 20s. And they love to make a big family, having about 5 or 6 children. Some large family, like Joseph Musa’s, also lives with extended family, so they all live in a little cluster of houses. That is amazing to me because today in many countries is the age of nuclear family. I wonder how the creepy word, nuclear, combines with worm word, family, which defines small family. Anyway, I have only one younger sister, and she also live separated from my parents. My family comprises of the father, mother, younger sister, and I, but this small family disintegrate into three: parents, younger sister, and I live in different places. I do not even remember when is the last time my family gathered and ate dinner all together.  Moreover, our recent family picture may be taken several years ago, but I have no idea know what/where it is. Is there any issue with my family? No, not at all. Just because it is becoming common where I was from.

Quite the contrary, Sierra Leoneans have a big big family. What surprised me was that I often hear somebody’s relatives have passed away.

A friend of mine texted me through WhatsApp all of a sudden, “Hi how are u’ I los my uncel.” [I lost my uncle.] Another friend told me that her boyfriend was dead last year. All I could say that I was so sorry for bereaved friends’ loss, and I did not ask the name of a disease. But the point is that people here die of some reasons at their young age.

I know that remaining unmarried is not that pleasant, especially here in Sierra Leone. Should I tell them a white lie that I have a really really pretty lady in the U.S. who is always counting the date I come back? If I do, they will be no longer looking at me so strangely, I also feel relaxed, avoiding interrogation about what’s wrong with me. 

No, I just want to be honest, like this:

“I have a fiancé. But I don’t know yet where she is. She may have been doing so well somewhere, and time will tell who she is.”

In the home balcony: How much am I enjoying my single life?