What if…?

What if…?

I ask myself every time “What if…?”

“What if I fail the comprehensive exam?”

“What if I get an accident while I am driving?”

“What if she doesn’t like me?”

“What if I disappoint them?”

“What if I do not get a job?”

Right now, again, I have a “what if” question in my mind: “What if I get Ebola virus and die?”

I realize that all “what if” questions were from my negative thoughts. I always have doubted myself if I really make it. The problem is that if I stuck with this unpredictable future, I might not do anything. Where did my positive thinking go?

Am I scared? Not really. Some people around me make me uncomfortable and worry. To be honest, I do not know anything. Delaying airplane ticket is not the point. Even if I wait for a moment and see what happens there, I cannot control the future. Yes, nobody knows what will happen to us, even 10 seconds later.

Transmission through blood or any body fluid (saliva, sweat, urine…) to get Ebola terrified me. Should I not sake hand with people, stay away from people, and keep an eye on Ebola outbreak every moment? I do not think so. Because I do not want to just stay calm in Sierra Leone. When I came to the U.S., I worried gun fire at random. There are still high risk that I might encounter random shooting situation when I go to shopping, theater, or any crowded places; nevertheless, I go outside to see people and hope nothing happens to me. Luckily, I am still alive and do my best every day.

The situation might be getting better, or getting worse. A suspected case in Freetown can turn out to be a Ebola victim, or I might evacuate to the safe place. Taking all those risks, why I still go there as I planned? Because it should be fine. It must be exciting. It must be unique experience that nobody has ever had.

That is why I go to Sierra Leone. Go away, Ebola! I will be there, Sierra Leone!